Wipe Me Down (What Would You Do?)
Geplaatst op 30-06-2026
Categorie: Lifestyle
Love will make you do some strange things. Not sure if this is a case of that ringing true but it’s one hell of a story. Like to hear it? Well, here it goes…
It all started with an invite I received for a party in a city. It was an open bar affair and I decided to take the girl I was seeing at the time, Ayanna, with me. For whatever the reason, I decided to drink in moderation so I was straight. Ayanna, though, was more of a lightweight than I am and she wound up stumblin’ and mumblin’ by the end of the night. I don’t even know how she got so bent, but whatever the case she was far-gone and I figured it was time to take her drunk ass home before she embarrassed herself. Thankfully, we didn’t really know that many people there but you never know.
Miraculously I, a Black man with a visibly drunk woman on my arm, was able to flag down a taxi at 1:30 in the morning. After giving the cabbie directions to Queens and assuring him that Ayanna wasn’t gonna hurl we were on our way.
Once we reached my crib I dropped the $40 bones on the fare (another reason I hated living in Queens) and walked Ayanna into my building. Here’s where things started to get weird.
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As I placed the keys into my front door, Ayanna made a strange confession: “Anslem, I have to take a shit.”
“What!?”
“I have to take a shit,” she drunkenly repeated.
“Uhm, okay, just hold on. Please, hold on.”
“I gotta take a shit. I can’t hold it.”
“Okay, okay, hold on.”
I fumbled with the keys and rushed her through the apartment. The whole time she kept repeating, “I gotta take a shit, I gotta take a shit.” Once we reached the bathroom I saw that she was too bent to function on her own and I’ll be damned if I was gonna let her shit on herself in my crib. So I unzipped her coat and jeans and plopped her ass on the toilet before leaving her to her own devices.
I retired to my room to change clothes and check my email (even tipsy at 2:30am I’m still a workaholic). About 15 minutes go by when I realized that Ayanna had yet to emerge from the bathroom. That’s when I decided to go check in on her.
“Babe, you okay,” I asked, knocking on the bathroom door. I didn’t hear a reply so I walked in to find Ayanna passed out on the toilet. She was propped against the wall half naked with socks on and her pants around her ankles. I didn’t know whether to laugh or be disgusted (I opted to take a picture instead. Yeah, I know I’m wrong for that but I had to document her drunkenness LOL).
I could tell right away that Ayanna had done what she came to do, so I tore off a few pieces of toilet paper and tapped her, “Ayanna, wake up. Come on, babe, you gotta wipe your ass. Take this. Ayanna, wake up.”
Ayanna was out cold and wouldn’t budge. This is when I found myself faced with a critical decision: Do I A) Leave her drunk ass on the toilet and go to sleep B) Pull up her pants and drag her shitty ass to bed C) Do the unthinkable and wipe a grown woman’s ass so she wouldn’t leave dingle berries in my bed?
Which option would you have chosen if you were in my shoes? Would you wipe or not wipe? Or is this just too big of a test of your love?